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January 1, 2011
HELLO 2011 and………..
We made it another year Thickettes and Happy New Year to you all!
When we were going into 2010, I wrote about Y.O.U for the new year. This year I want to know………………
What did YOU leave in 2010?
What do I mean? Well….let me explain. 
If we stay honest with ourselves no one has had an absolute perfect 2010. We all have trails and are tested but those trails DO NOT have to carry over year after year.
Often we are so consumed with our troubles that we hold on to them for years and block so many positive things that could have come into our lives.
2011 is the year of LIBERATION!
We can no longer let our problems shackle us, leave your problems behind and start anew!
Let me give you some examples
Fake friends or significant others: If you were friends or with this person during 2010 chances are you already know if you can fix it, accept it or remove yourself from it and if you know they were fakes, liars, and cheaters in 2010, chances are THEY WILL BE THE SAME IN 2011. If you know these people have hindered you in 2010 LEAVE THEM THERE.
The Job Hunt: Unemployment frustration can be a beast but bringing negative thoughts about not being able to find a job CANNOT and WILL NOT be beneficial for your employment opportunities in 2011 so leave those thoughts behind AND CLAIM YOUR JOB FOR 2011!
Financial Woes: Most of the world has had this issue but to bring your hard up thoughts from the past can lead to more hard up times in the future. So THINK PROSPERITY for 2011.
Keep the negative in 2010 and push forward with positivity in 2011.
So thickettes what did you leave behind in 2010 and what will you bring for 2011?!
HAVE A THICKSATIONAL NEW YEAR!
November 30, 2009
Oh yes! Â Some of you have read my views on DL men and are asking me what are the signs of a man on the “Down Low”.
I have seen some very interesting men that are questionable but the reality is ladies the only person who can truly spot a DL Man is a GAY MAN.
Yes honey you need a gay friend in your life! Not only are they loyal but they will tell you the truth!
So one of my good friends came up with a list of signs that a man COULD be on the DL.
Thickettes, there are CAPS on “could” for a reason. This is not a guarantee so do not go around town telling people that I said this was accurate. This is just from observation, nothing is 100%.
1. If your man (all of a sudden) becomes secretive about everything (example, having a cell phone that you didn’t know about.)
Now this could be him dealing with a man or woman so if you want to know if it’s a man, this sign isn’t enough. This would be an addition with other signs.
2. If your man likes to joke around and dance/sing to Janet, Beyonce, Rihanna, Madonna in a feminine way.
Trust me there is nothing cute about a man popping his a** and doing a booty dance. If he is dancing to any of these women and shaking/twirling better than you……….um yeah it’s not a joke.
3. If his best friend is ALWAYS around, even when they make plans they make them together but exclude their women.
Every man knows when their male friend is in a relationship it’s a package deal. When you invite him you invite the woman. Even if she has said no before, still give the invite to the couple not just him. If he is making plans to go to the movies, holiday dinner or something that seems like an intimate setting without you……..they are more than friends.
4. If he creates arguments with you just to have an excuse to leave the house for hours (if he’s not dl, he’s definitely cheating)
Yes, this is a BIG sign something is not right. A pointless argument that leaves you confused and he leaves the house for hours…just a cowardly way to exit the building…..and get his groove on.
5. If he brags about the woman he is with but she is never around.
Now if a man brags about his “woman”, wouldn’t he want to have her by his side all the time and show her off? Unless she is overseas there is no reason why you haven’t seen this “perfect” woman he talks about.
6. If he’s extremely open and friendly to gay men (he’s curious)
It’s one thing to have respect for each other but if he is touching, hugging and really close to this gay friend…something isn’t right (unless this gay man is a relative).
7. If he’s extremely homophobic (he’s trying to take the attention off of him)
A man who is extremely homophobic is not only a turn off because its disrespectful, but it also raises an eyebrow. Why would a man speak so much hate over a gay man who he most likely he doesn’t know? The gay man isn’t bothering him and if the gay man’s presence is bothering him girl he has some issues and mostly likely they are DL issues.
8. If he has a secret online life (I would question it and find out what’s going on with him and that computer)
If your man is always on the computer/internet there is something going on. His focus should be you, the kids…hell anything besides that computer when he is at home.
9. If he has a new male roommate every so often (6 months – year) that’s his new man!
Expensive cities (New York, LA, etc) a roommate is understandable but if he constantly has a new one, he’s crazy OR that “roommate” is a new lover (I would say the 2nd choice is more acceptable). Men are not like women (well most of them), they’re not catty and can get along with people. So if he is telling you he has a new roommate every couple of months….that’s his new dude.
10. If out of the blue he wants to try new things in the bedroom that just doesn’t seem right (no matter how freaky he is)
Ladies go with your intuition..you know when something doesn’t seem right and yes that includes the bedroom.
So there it is thickettes! Your thoughts?
Shout out to MW for the DL signs!
November 23, 2009
Thickettes and Thick Men it’s time to let it ALL OUT today. After all the emails and to be honest after my own experience within the past couple of months, I have come to realize that we have a lot of Emotional Vampires that are creeping into our lives or better yet have been there for so long that we haven’t even realized it (or maybe have but decided to ignore it).
Now as you know I always start off with a definition.
So what is an Emotional Vampire?
Emotional Vampire: A co-dependent person who looks outside of themselves for self definition and self worth. They tend to be self obsessed, negative and controlling. They are in an emotional black hole and refuse to see that they have a problem.
Here are some signs of an Emotional Vampire
1. External referencing: distrusting own perceptions, lacking boundaries, believing one cannot survive without a relationship/addicted to relationships, fearing abandonment, believing in the perfect union.
2. Caretaking: become indispensable, become a victim
3. Self-centeredness: personalizing all events, assuming responsibility for other’s behavior.
4. Over-controlling: increasing control efforts when chaos increases, attempting to control everything and everyone, controlling without caring for those controlled, believing that with more effort you can fix the addict/family.
5. Feelings: unaware of feelings, distorting emotional experiences/accepting only acceptable feelings, fearfulness.
6. Dishonesty: managing all impressions made, omitting/lying about the truth, rigidity.
7. Gullibility: being a bad judge of character, unwillingness to confront, over-trusting, accepting what fits, wishes the way things were.
Now after saying all of this you are probably thinking..
“I don’t know anybody like that..I could tell if someone had all of those issues”
WRONG! Emotional Vampires can hide who they are very well because most of them have had this dark cloud over them their whole lives.
At first they usually come into your lives VERY positive and only give you positive feedback/messages. However usually after a period of time the truth starts to come out, you find out these people truly are not happy with life. They have very random mood swings. One minute they are “happy” and the next minute they are depressed and want to either isolate themselves from the world or bring you down to their level.
For example, have you ever experienced someone who questions or is annoyed when someone is happy? I mean the person is REALLY annoyed and doesn’t understand why people are happy and have a smile on their face. Trust me when I tell you that people like that are dead inside and will NEVER understand someone who is so full of life.
They look at people who aren’t Emotional Vampires as if they are THE PROBLEM and EV’s love to surround themselves with people who are just as depressed and lonely as them.
However on occasions they do want to come out of their black hole and that’s when they meet you, the positive person who on the majority of your days has a positive outlook on life. Now I figured that an EV coming out of their “Why me, I hate life” mood is either a manipulating person and their only goal is to tear you down or this person is trying to find a way to heal themselves and get out of the dark hole.
EITHER WAY THEY ARE EMOTIONAL DRAINING ON THE SPIRIT!
Being an Emotional Vampire is an addiction just like someone who is on narcotics. Until the person is ready to deal with their internal issues they will continue to feed off of that addiction because that’s where they are comfortable. Can you try to help? Sure, but don’t get too involved because TRUST ME you will be the one hurt in the end. Why? Early in the definition it states that EV’s are gullible and are a bad judge of character, therefore they will ALWAYS pick the opposite of what they need to get out of their black hole. They refuse to choose the people who stay real and encourage them because those aren’t acceptable feelings. They select the people that are like minded and that’s why they continue to have the fakes, misery, depression and the lost soul. So eventually someone who is comfortable in their ways will start to retaliate against you. Like I said before they don’t understand you, you are speaking a foreign language.
They DO NOT want to hear
“Love yourself”,
“Stop worrying about things you can’t control”
“Get the courage to stand up for yourself and have a different approach in life”
They rather hear
“Why are people treating me like this”
“Why can’t I be happy”
“If this person would only love me I would feel complete and better about myself”
If you are 30+ and always come with this lame a** attitude and constantly question people’s intentions in your life.
Guess what….
YOU’RE THE PROBLEM! STOP TRYING TO BLAME THE WORLD/PEOPLE FOR YOUR MISERY.
If you are dealing with an Emotional Vampire, you only have 3 options in this scenario: Fix it, Accept it or Remove yourself from it. If you have been dealing with this EV for a while you probably see by now trying to fix it hasn’t worked and accepting it still drains you. So at this point you might want to remove yourself from it. Now of course this maybe easier said than done because you may care about that person. However what it comes down to is……..who do you love more…
YOU or them?
Much love to you my thickettes and thick men. I know there are so many people who can relate to this and probably knows someone in their life right now who is an EV. If you don’t you are truly lucky or
Maybe you’re the Emotional Vampire!
Please leave your thoughts.
November 17, 2009
Lately I have experience a lot of people who use this word (Friendship/Friends) loosely and to be honest I don’t think most people know what friendship means.
So let’s start with the definition of friendship…….
1. Friendship is the cooperative and supportive relationship between two or more people. In this sense, the term connotes a relationship which involves mutual knowledge, esteem, affection, and respect along with a degree of rendering service to friends in times of need or crisis.
2. Friends will welcome each other’s company and exhibit loyalty towards each other, often to the point of altruism. They will also engage in mutually helping behavior, such as the exchange of advice and the sharing of hardship. A friend is someone who may often demonstrate reciprocating and reflective behaviors. Yet for some, the practical execution of friendship is little more than the trust that someone will not harm them.
3. Value that is found in friendships is often the result of a friend demonstrating the following on a consistent basis: the tendency to desire what is best for the other sympathy and empathy honesty, perhaps in situations where it may be difficult for others to speak the truth, especially in terms of pointing out the perceived faults of one’s counterpart mutual understanding.
No let’s dissect this….
1. The first sentence clearly states that a FRIENDSHIP is cooperative and supportive relationship between TWO or MORE people. So this means a friendship can’t come from just one person. If you find yourself constantly being cooperative and supportive to someone who rarely or never gives the same to you then guess what…that’s not a friend.
2. When I call you a friend that means I TRUST you and I know that when I am going through hard times in my life you will be there. There should be no DOUBT in my mind about that. Also if I call you a friend I should RECEIVE your company and loyalty with open arms because I know that what you tell me or do for me is NEVER with the intentions of harming me.
3. A friendship is CONSISTENT and while we show sympathy and empathy, we have to tell our friends the truth because IT IS OURÂ RESPONSIBILITY! A true friend will always speak the truth and in my opinion if you can’t speak the truth to that person not only is it selfish but you may want to reconsider if you really view this person as a friend. On the other hand you also have to receive what your friend tells you as well it works both ways. You can’t be stubborn and not hear what your friend has to say but expect for them to listen to you.
So for all of you who send me emails about your “friendship drama” that’s my opinion and wiki’s opinion on friendship.
If you find yourself constantly being hurt by someone not being a friend or not accepting your friendship then you may need to rethink if this person is worth your time.
Most of you sound like you are having issues with people who only want your friendship when it’s convenient for them. Well that’s not a friend that’s an associate. Friendship comes with rough times and sacrifice. That’s why you have to be very particular with who you call a friend. A friend is valuable and with enough nourishment and growth a friendship will become priceless and can last for a lifetime.
Have a thicksational day! Love you all!
November 16, 2009
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