Thickettes and Thick Men it’s time to let it ALL OUT today. After all the emails and to be honest after my own experience within the past couple of months, I have come to realize that we have a lot of Emotional Vampires that are creeping into our lives or better yet have been there for so long that we haven’t even realized it (or maybe have but decided to ignore it).
Now as you know I always start off with a definition.
So what is an Emotional Vampire?
Emotional Vampire: A co-dependent person who looks outside of themselves for self definition and self worth. They tend to be self obsessed, negative and controlling. They are in an emotional black hole and refuse to see that they have a problem.
Here are some signs of an Emotional Vampire
1. External referencing: distrusting own perceptions, lacking boundaries, believing one cannot survive without a relationship/addicted to relationships, fearing abandonment, believing in the perfect union.
2. Caretaking: become indispensable, become a victim
3. Self-centeredness: personalizing all events, assuming responsibility for other’s behavior.
4. Over-controlling: increasing control efforts when chaos increases, attempting to control everything and everyone, controlling without caring for those controlled, believing that with more effort you can fix the addict/family.
5. Feelings: unaware of feelings, distorting emotional experiences/accepting only acceptable feelings, fearfulness.
6. Dishonesty: managing all impressions made, omitting/lying about the truth, rigidity.
7. Gullibility: being a bad judge of character, unwillingness to confront, over-trusting, accepting what fits, wishes the way things were.
Now after saying all of this you are probably thinking..
“I don’t know anybody like that..I could tell if someone had all of those issues”
WRONG! Emotional Vampires can hide who they are very well because most of them have had this dark cloud over them their whole lives.
At first they usually come into your lives VERY positive and only give you positive feedback/messages. However usually after a period of time the truth starts to come out, you find out these people truly are not happy with life. They have very random mood swings. One minute they are “happy” and the next minute they are depressed and want to either isolate themselves from the world or bring you down to their level.
For example, have you ever experienced someone who questions or is annoyed when someone is happy? I mean the person is REALLY annoyed and doesn’t understand why people are happy and have a smile on their face. Trust me when I tell you that people like that are dead inside and will NEVER understand someone who is so full of life.
They look at people who aren’t Emotional Vampires as if they are THE PROBLEM and EV’s love to surround themselves with people who are just as depressed and lonely as them.
However on occasions they do want to come out of their black hole and that’s when they meet you, the positive person who on the majority of your days has a positive outlook on life. Now I figured that an EV coming out of their “Why me, I hate life” mood is either a manipulating person and their only goal is to tear you down or this person is trying to find a way to heal themselves and get out of the dark hole.
EITHER WAY THEY ARE EMOTIONAL DRAINING ON THE SPIRIT!
Being an Emotional Vampire is an addiction just like someone who is on narcotics. Until the person is ready to deal with their internal issues they will continue to feed off of that addiction because that’s where they are comfortable. Can you try to help? Sure, but don’t get too involved because TRUST ME you will be the one hurt in the end. Why? Early in the definition it states that EV’s are gullible and are a bad judge of character, therefore they will ALWAYS pick the opposite of what they need to get out of their black hole. They refuse to choose the people who stay real and encourage them because those aren’t acceptable feelings. They select the people that are like minded and that’s why they continue to have the fakes, misery, depression and the lost soul. So eventually someone who is comfortable in their ways will start to retaliate against you. Like I said before they don’t understand you, you are speaking a foreign language.
They DO NOT want to hear
“Love yourself”,
“Stop worrying about things you can’t control”
“Get the courage to stand up for yourself and have a different approach in life”
They rather hear
“Why are people treating me like this”
“Why can’t I be happy”
“If this person would only love me I would feel complete and better about myself”
If you are 30+ and always come with this lame a** attitude and constantly question people’s intentions in your life.
Guess what….
YOU’RE THE PROBLEM! STOP TRYING TO BLAME THE WORLD/PEOPLE FOR YOUR MISERY.
If you are dealing with an Emotional Vampire, you only have 3 options in this scenario: Fix it, Accept it or Remove yourself from it. If you have been dealing with this EV for a while you probably see by now trying to fix it hasn’t worked and accepting it still drains you. So at this point you might want to remove yourself from it. Now of course this maybe easier said than done because you may care about that person. However what it comes down to is……..who do you love more…
YOU or them?
Much love to you my thickettes and thick men. I know there are so many people who can relate to this and probably knows someone in their life right now who is an EV. If you don’t you are truly lucky or
Janet kicked off the American Music Awards last night and she did her thing!
During and after her performance I was on Twitter and while most of us was sending nothing but positive energy to Janet…of course an ignorant person comes in and tried to ruin the moment.
Here’s what this fool had to say (via twitter)….keep in mind he “claims” to be a Janet fan and he is a THICK MEN.
JANET DID NOT SHUT IT DOWN #NOSHADE. KINDA DISAPPOINTED BUT ANYWAY SHE’S JANET JACKSON AND I STILL LOVE HER
about 13 hours ago from web
I LOVE JANET BUT SHE GOTTA LOSE SOME WEIGHT!
about 14 hours ago from web
JANET IS TIRED AS HELL YALL LOOK AT HER
about 14 hours ago from web
NOT FEELING JANET’S OUTFIT HOPEFULLY IT CHANGES
about 14 hours ago from web
IS THIS JANET OR BEYONCE
about 14 hours ago from web
JANET TIME
Now of course you already know which comment got my temperature up! First of all Janet is still mourning…she lost her brother unexpectedly and just ended a relationship after 7 years. She is (like a lot of people) an emotional eater and needs time to heal.
BUT!
Even if she wasn’t mourning, Janet looks fine! She is for the first time in her life comfortable in her own skin and is happy with herself. That speaks louder than any fake a** critic who clearly has forgotten that he is also apart of our plus size community. I will never understand how someone can talk down to another person in the same community. This is truly an example of SELF HATE. Janet has a body that many women would die for and some will even pay to get her curves. She is 43 years old and once again put the youngsters in their place with her dance moves.
We heard the rumors for a while but now it is confirmed. Oprah is ending her show in 2011. I really don’t know what daytime television will be like without Oprah. She has made the world happy, cry and even sometimes angry but regardless on how she has made you feel, you cannot deny that this woman has made history! Oprah made women all over the world feel proud to be WOMEN and even though her opinion about her weight has been leery over the years, she is one of the people that I look up to and has proven that there is a way to make it as a plus size woman. So I thank you Oprah and in September 2011 I know I will shed a tear.
