Oh yes! Â Some of you have read my views on DL men and are asking me what are the signs of a man on the “Down Low”.
I have seen some very interesting men that are questionable but the reality is ladies the only person who can truly spot a DL Man is a GAY MAN.
Yes honey you need a gay friend in your life! Not only are they loyal but they will tell you the truth!
So one of my good friends came up with a list of signs that a man COULD be on the DL.
Thickettes, there are CAPS on “could” for a reason. This is not a guarantee so do not go around town telling people that I said this was accurate. This is just from observation, nothing is 100%.
1. If your man (all of a sudden) becomes secretive about everything (example, having a cell phone that you didn’t know about.)
Now this could be him dealing with a man or woman so if you want to know if it’s a man, this sign isn’t enough. This would be an addition with other signs.
2. If your man likes to joke around and dance/sing to Janet, Beyonce, Rihanna, Madonna in a feminine way.
Trust me there is nothing cute about a man popping his a** and doing a booty dance. If he is dancing to any of these women and shaking/twirling better than you……….um yeah it’s not a joke.
3. If his best friend is ALWAYS around, even when they make plans they make them together but exclude their women.
Every man knows when their male friend is in a relationship it’s a package deal. When you invite him you invite the woman. Even if she has said no before, still give the invite to the couple not just him. If he is making plans to go to the movies, holiday dinner or something that seems like an intimate setting without you……..they are more than friends.
4. If he creates arguments with you just to have an excuse to leave the house for hours (if he’s not dl, he’s definitely cheating)
Yes, this is a BIG sign something is not right. A pointless argument that leaves you confused and he leaves the house for hours…just a cowardly way to exit the building…..and get his groove on.
5. If he brags about the woman he is with but she is never around.
Now if a man brags about his “woman”, wouldn’t he want to have her by his side all the time and show her off? Unless she is overseas there is no reason why you haven’t seen this “perfect” woman he talks about.
6. If he’s extremely open and friendly to gay men (he’s curious)
It’s one thing to have respect for each other but if he is touching, hugging and really close to this gay friend…something isn’t right (unless this gay man is a relative).
7. If he’s extremely homophobic (he’s trying to take the attention off of him)
A man who is extremely homophobic is not only a turn off because its disrespectful, but it also raises an eyebrow. Why would a man speak so much hate over a gay man who he most likely he doesn’t know? The gay man isn’t bothering him and if the gay man’s presence is bothering him girl he has some issues and mostly likely they are DL issues.
8. If he has a secret online life (I would question it and find out what’s going on with him and that computer)
If your man is always on the computer/internet there is something going on. His focus should be you, the kids…hell anything besides that computer when he is at home.
9. If he has a new male roommate every so often (6 months – year) that’s his new man!
Expensive cities (New York, LA, etc) a roommate is understandable but if he constantly has a new one, he’s crazy OR that “roommate” is a new lover (I would say the 2nd choice is more acceptable). Men are not like women (well most of them), they’re not catty and can get along with people. So if he is telling you he has a new roommate every couple of months….that’s his new dude.
10. If out of the blue he wants to try new things in the bedroom that just doesn’t seem right (no matter how freaky he is)
Ladies go with your intuition..you know when something doesn’t seem right and yes that includes the bedroom.
Kimberley Locke was spotted at the”Holiday Of Hope” Tree-Lighting Celebration & Benefit in Los Angeles.
Looking good Kim and no the “guess who” wasn’t for Santa.
It was for this man! Yes take a good look thickettes, it’s Harvey from “Celebrity Fit Club”, I didn’t recognize him at first and maybe that has to do with the smile he has on his face.
Who knew Harvey liked the thickettes….I love it! They make a cute couple.
Faith Evans vocals are amazing and in my opinion she does not receive the respect she truly deserves. So let’s take it back to 1995 with her first single “You Use to Love Me”
This year is going by so fast and I have so many things to be thankful for.
I am thankful for…………………..
Knowing GOD for myself. Since I know Him for myself I will never allow others to speak for me & define who I am.
God showing me that my purpose was off track and to get back on His purpose and plans for me.
My family, your support and love is a blessing
My drive, passion and determination to reach my dreams/goals
Knowing my strengths, imperfections and growing from them.
My friends, I can honestly say my friends give the same dedication to me as I do to them. I love them so much
Knowing my value and worth I don’t expect perfection but I expect the quality I give to you is the same you give in return.
The past and present men in my life. The men in my family who show me how a woman should be treated and the other men in my life who taught me how to treat a man.
Not settling! Life is too short to settle for a career, man or friend that doesn’t make you happy.
Having no regrets. Regrets can kill your spirit but lessons learned will renew it.
Having a meek spirit to constantly ask myself what I could have done in situations to make the other person feel better.
Knowing how to apologize (trust that’s a hard one for some people)
People who have lied, betrayed or manipulated me…..there can be no testimony without a test…so yes thank you and I will thank you when I get to the top. You didn’t bring value but you definitely gave me motivation!
And last but not least I am sooooooooooooooooooo thankful for YOU….my blog readers. Your visits to my blog and emails will never be taken for granted. I always appreciate your words of encouragement, honesty and I am so honored that you take time out of your day to visit thicksational.com
What are you thankful for?
Have a blessed Thanksgiving and to my other thickettes in other countries Happy Holidays. Love you all!
Thicksational actress Kristie Alley  is getting her own reality series on A&E..
Alley’s show will specifically see the actress “launching a new weight loss program, patenting multiple inventions, working hard to raise two normal Hollywood teenagers, True and Lillie, taking care of eight ringtail lemurs, and on top of everything, looking for love.” (Source: LA Times)
Congrats to her but to be honest I’m nervous. Kristie hasn’t been the best thicksational celebritiy to look up to as far as loving herself as a thick woman (click here to see my last post on her). I just hope she realizes this show can make or break our community and how other people will not only view her but view themselves. It’s one thing to get healthy but it’s totally different to say you look disgusting and hate how you look. Please Kristie do not go into a “I hate being plus size” cry on TV I beg you!
Thicksational singer/actress Jennifer Hudson will sing at the White House state dinner. In my opinion this also confirms she would have participated in the Presidential Inauguration if she didn’t have her family tragedy. The Obamas love Jennifer and who can blame them, the girl can SING!
I don’t know if any of you saw Gabby on Oprah but she said something that so many people need to hear.
Oprah told the audience that director Lee Daniels said Gabby speaks “like a white girl from the Valley” and is so confident that she is “either in denial about her physicality or from another planet.” (Source)
“It’s something I’ve had to work at. My first diet started when I was six years old,” Gabby said. “I’ve never been a small girl. One day I had to sit down with myself and decide that I loved myself no matter what my body looked like and what other people thought about my body.”
She said that she was 21 or 22 when she finally became comfortable in her own skin. “I got tired of feeling bad all the time. I got tired of hating myself.”
I can relate to this story. I started my first diet at 9. It’s too young to be that aware and to constantly be told that you are different.
While ladies like Gabby and myself have already reached that point of healing and have learn to love ourselves and be comfortable in our own bodies, there are so many girls, boys, women and men who are still struggling with accepting who they are and loving themselves.
A thicksational clap to Gabby for sharing her story because so many people need to hear it and trust me when the time is right I will also share my story.
Thickettes and Thick Men it’s time to let it ALL OUT today. After all the emails and to be honest after my own experience within the past couple of months, I have come to realize that we have a lot of Emotional Vampires that are creeping into our lives or better yet have been there for so long that we haven’t even realized it (or maybe have but decided to ignore it).
Now as you know I always start off with a definition.
So what is an Emotional Vampire?
Emotional Vampire: A co-dependent person who looks outside of themselves for self definition and self worth. They tend to be self obsessed, negative and controlling. They are in an emotional black hole and refuse to see that they have a problem.
Here are some signs of an Emotional Vampire
1. External referencing: distrusting own perceptions, lacking boundaries, believing one cannot survive without a relationship/addicted to relationships, fearing abandonment, believing in the perfect union.
2. Caretaking: become indispensable, become a victim
3. Self-centeredness: personalizing all events, assuming responsibility for other’s behavior.
4. Over-controlling: increasing control efforts when chaos increases, attempting to control everything and everyone, controlling without caring for those controlled, believing that with more effort you can fix the addict/family.
5. Feelings: unaware of feelings, distorting emotional experiences/accepting only acceptable feelings, fearfulness.
6. Dishonesty: managing all impressions made, omitting/lying about the truth, rigidity.
7. Gullibility: being a bad judge of character, unwillingness to confront, over-trusting, accepting what fits, wishes the way things were.
Now after saying all of this you are probably thinking..
“I don’t know anybody like that..I could tell if someone had all of those issues”
WRONG! Emotional Vampires can hide who they are very well because most of them have had this dark cloud over them their whole lives.
At first they usually come into your lives VERY positive and only give you positive feedback/messages. However usually after a period of time the truth starts to come out, you find out these people truly are not happy with life. They have very random mood swings. One minute they are “happy” and the next minute they are depressed and want to either isolate themselves from the world or bring you down to their level.
For example, have you ever experienced someone who questions or is annoyed when someone is happy? I mean the person is REALLY annoyed and doesn’t understand why people are happy and have a smile on their face. Trust me when I tell you that people like that are dead inside and will NEVER understand someone who is so full of life.
They look at people who aren’t Emotional Vampires as if they are THE PROBLEM and EV’s love to surround themselves with people who are just as depressed and lonely as them.
However on occasions they do want to come out of their black hole and that’s when they meet you, the positive person who on the majority of your days has a positive outlook on life. Now I figured that an EV coming out of their “Why me, I hate life” mood is either a manipulating person and their only goal is to tear you down or this person is trying to find a way to heal themselves and get out of the dark hole.
EITHER WAY THEY ARE EMOTIONAL DRAINING ON THE SPIRIT!
Being an Emotional Vampire is an addiction just like someone who is on narcotics. Until the person is ready to deal with their internal issues they will continue to feed off of that addiction because that’s where they are comfortable. Can you try to help? Sure, but don’t get too involved because TRUST ME you will be the one hurt in the end. Why? Early in the definition it states that EV’s are gullible and are a bad judge of character, therefore they will ALWAYS pick the opposite of what they need to get out of their black hole. They refuse to choose the people who stay real and encourage them because those aren’t acceptable feelings. They select the people that are like minded and that’s why they continue to have the fakes, misery, depression and the lost soul. So eventually someone who is comfortable in their ways will start to retaliate against you. Like I said before they don’t understand you, you are speaking a foreign language.
They DO NOT want to hear
“Love yourself”,
“Stop worrying about things you can’t control”
“Get the courage to stand up for yourself and have a different approach in life”
They rather hear
“Why are people treating me like this”
“Why can’t I be happy”
“If this person would only love me I would feel complete and better about myself”
If you are 30+ and always come with this lame a** attitude and constantly question people’s intentions in your life.
Guess what….
YOU’RE THE PROBLEM! STOP TRYING TO BLAME THE WORLD/PEOPLE FOR YOUR MISERY.
If you are dealing with an Emotional Vampire, you only have 3 options in this scenario: Fix it, Accept it or Remove yourself from it. If you have been dealing with this EV for a while you probably see by now trying to fix it hasn’t worked and accepting it still drains you. So at this point you might want to remove yourself from it. Now of course this maybe easier said than done because you may care about that person. However what it comes down to is……..who do you love more…
YOU or them?
Much love to you my thickettes and thick men. I know there are so many people who can relate to this and probably knows someone in their life right now who is an EV. If you don’t you are truly lucky or
Janet kicked off the American Music Awards last night and she did her thing!
During and after her performance I was on Twitter and while most of us was sending nothing but positive energy to Janet…of course an ignorant person comes in and tried to ruin the moment.
Here’s what this fool had to say (via twitter)….keep in mind he “claims” to be a Janet fan and he is a THICK MEN.
JANET DID NOT SHUT IT DOWN #NOSHADE. KINDA DISAPPOINTED BUT ANYWAY SHE’S JANET JACKSON AND I STILL LOVE HER
about 13 hours ago from web
I LOVE JANET BUT SHE GOTTA LOSE SOME WEIGHT!
about 14 hours ago from web
JANET IS TIRED AS HELL YALL LOOK AT HER
about 14 hours ago from web
NOT FEELING JANET’S OUTFIT HOPEFULLY IT CHANGES
about 14 hours ago from web
IS THIS JANET OR BEYONCE
about 14 hours ago from web
JANET TIME
Now of course you already know which comment got my temperature up! First of all Janet is still mourning…she lost her brother unexpectedly and just ended a relationship after 7 years. She is (like a lot of people) an emotional eater and needs time to heal.
BUT!
Even if she wasn’t mourning, Janet looks fine! She is for the first time in her life comfortable in her own skin and is happy with herself. That speaks louder than any fake a** critic who clearly has forgotten that he is also apart of our plus size community. I will never understand how someone can talk down to another person in the same community. This is truly an example of SELF HATE. Janet has a body that many women would die for and some will even pay to get her curves. She is 43 years old and once again put the youngsters in their place with her dance moves.
We heard the rumors for a while but now it is confirmed. Oprah is ending her show in 2011. I really don’t know what daytime television will be like without Oprah. She has made the world happy, cry and even sometimes angry but regardless on how she has made you feel, you cannot deny that this woman has made history! Oprah made women all over the world feel proud to be WOMEN and even though her opinion about her weight has been leery over the years, she is one of the people that I look up to and has proven that there is a way to make it as a plus size woman. So I thank you Oprah and in September 2011 I know I will shed a tear.
Thicksational actress Kristie Alley  is getting her own reality series on A&E..
